My two girls

Right now I feel like I am living two separate lives. One is at home with Savannah and the other is at the hospital with Tammy Lee. First I will update on Savannah!

Savannah seems so big to me. It is probably because I am comparing her to my little 5 pound baby, Tammy Lee. Savannah is now 19 months old and is full of energy and personality. She is a determined little girl and is so fun to interact with. She loves to read and will point and make the sounds for different animals. She loves to color... and doesn't necessarily always color on paper like she should. She loves when Stephen and I are together and when we can do things as a family. She loves playing outside and coloring with chalk on the cement. She is getting better at talking instead of just using signs. She loves to play hide and seek, get tickled, and be chased. She makes us so happy. I can't believe how fast she is growing up!

I still can hardly believe I can do pigtails. My next goal is to be able to braid her hair. haha She is really good at letting me fix her hair. In the morning after she gets dressed I say, "Savannah do you want to go sit in the sink so we can do your hair." She nods her head yes and sits very still for me... it is so cute.

The fake smile she gives me when I tell her to say cheese for the camera. ;)

Playing hide and seek. Behind the dryer is her favorite spot... I can always count on her being there.

Moving on to Tammy Lee. She is such a trooper. She is under the photo therapy lights for jaundice, she has multiple chords in every direction, she gets pocked and pricked with needles daily, yet she is still sweet as can be. I love the time I get to spend with her and the time I get to hold her during the day. 

Did I mention she is a pro nurser! She does such a great job which the nurses are so surprised about because usually 34 weekers haven't developed the suck, swallow, breath yet. 

We can't wait until Tammy Lee can come home. I wish I knew how much longer but I don't. It is all according to how she does when she gets off the IV's.

Love my 2 girls... SO much!

NICU

These last 4 days have kind of been a blur. I had my second little girl on Wednesday but came home from the hospital on Friday without her. It is hard for me to accept the fact that she is no longer in my belly and that she can't be at home with me for now. The nurses say she could be in the NICU for 3-6 weeks while she continues to grow and develop. Her lungs are fully developed so she is breathing great on her own but she is just so little and still very sleepy. Since she is so sleepy she doesn't wake herself up to eat so they have to feed her through a tube. I am only allowed to hold her twice a day and feed her twice a day because they don't want her to get over stimulated. Once she is waking up on her own and showing cues of hunger and wanting to nurse she will be able to come home as long as she does it consistently for 48 hours.

It has been hard for me not knowing how she is doing. Wondering if she is warm...if she is hungry... if she is uncomfortable... if she is stressed.... or if she knows how much I love her. I know the nurses are so great and do all they can but I just pray every night that they will have a soft spot in their heart for T-lee. Sometimes I just feel like they look at her as just another baby they take care of and I just wish they loved her like I do. 

I can't wait to bring her home with us someday soon. All the things I had taken for granted I won't anymore. I can't wait to dress her, wake up in the middle of the night with her, feed her, swaddle her, and change her diaper. I can't wait for Savannah to meet her little sister.

As of now I get to see her at 10:30am and 7:30 pm. I love the time I get with her... it is amazing how much love you can have for your children. I am grateful every day to be a mother. I love both my girls so very much!

Our sweet Tammy Lee

Tammy Lee was born on September 19th. She wasn’t due until October 31st but she was apparently ready to come 6 weeks early. I started feeling contractions Wednesday around 12:00 that were more painful and crampy than any contractions I had ever felt. I kept blowing them off and took some Nifedepine that the doctors gave me at the hospital to help stop my contractions. I figured once I took the Nifedepine my contractions would slow down but they did the opposite. They continued to get closer and closer together and continued to get more and more intense. By 5:00 I told my mom that I was pretty sure Tammy Lee was on her way and we needed to get to the hospital. I quickly called Stephen and told him to meet us at the Utah Valley hospital. Luckily my amazing cousin Stacey happened to stop by and said she would watch Savannah while we ran to the hospital. I could barely walk to my mom’s car by this time and was in excruciating pain. My contractions were now 1 minute apart and were lasting about 60 seconds long. I barely had time to breath before the next contraction started. At one point I thought I was going to have her in the car… it was pretty scary! 

We got to the hospital, Stephen was waiting at the front door with a wheel chair, and we headed to the 4th floor. Once I got into a room I was 8 cm dilated and sweet T-lee was on her way. My water broke shortly after and I had Tammy Lee 30 minutes later. She was 5 pounds 5 ounces and 18 inches long. I was so nervous about her being healthy because she still had 6 more weeks to grow. The nurses said she was doing great but they have to take any baby under 36 weeks to the NICU right away. Her lungs were fully developed from the steroid shot I got the week before and she was breathing great on her own. I will post an update on the NICU and how she is doing soon. I am so happy she is healthy and doing well. I feel like we have been so blessed in these last couple weeks and I know Heavenly Father is watching over T-Lee. We can’t wait until she is at home with us and we can be a family of 4.

Day 3: Good news

Day 3 has been a better day in the hospital. I have had so many wonderful friends and family come visit me to keep me company and I am so grateful for them. Thank you!
The doctor came in to check my cervix again and because of the medicine they have been giving me to stop my contractions my cervix has shrunk to a 2 1/2 instead of a 4. I was thrilled! This means they may let me go home today on strict bed-rest. I still will have to lie in bed all day and will only be able to get up to go the the restroom or shower but at-least I can be at home in a familiar environment and I can be with Savannah and Stephen. I am also so grateful for everyone who has offered to come over and help with Savannah and for all the prayers sent our way. I feel so overwhelmed with gratitude for you all... even people I don't know as well have offered to help in so many ways. Thank you!

Lets keep our fingers crossed that I get to go home today!!!!

Day 2: Savannah comes to visit

Yesterday was a hard day. I was coming to the realization that this may not be a couple day stay... it could be more like 4 weeks of them stopping my labor until I was considered full term.
That meant sleeping in the hospital every night and not spending my days with my sweet Savannah and seeing Stephen when he got home from school.
It meant sitting on a hospital bed all day everyday and feeling very unproductive.
It meant leaving everything at home that needed to be done before the baby got here undone.
It meant passing on responsibilities like paying the bills, getting the laundry done, and keeping the house clean to my husband who is already so busy with law school.
It meant finding someone to watch Savannah while I was away.

I had an ultrasound to see how much Tammy Lee weighed and she is about 5 lbs 5 ounces right now. While having the ultrasound they found something of concern. I have a septate uterus which is similar to a heart shaped uterus. A septum or large piece of skin comes down in the middle of my uterus which can cause pre-term labor and other complications because my baby will grow out of my uterus quicker. My placenta has implanted on the septum when it normally implants of the uterine wall. They said it is a miracle I have even been able to carry this baby because if the placenta implants of the septum it almost always results in a miscarriage. They have to keep a close eye on me because there is a chance my placenta can rupture from the septum at anytime. That is why Tammy Lee and I need to be constantly monitored.

The hardest part of this is being away from Savannah. She is only 18 months and it has been hard for her to understand where I am and why she doesn't see me much anymore. I know she is being taken care of and is in great hands with my wonderful mom, mother in law, and brother Chase and Jessie. I don't know what I would do without them. Not to mention the countless amount of people willing to help and watch her as well.

Yesterday my mom brought Savannah over for an hour and it was the best and hardest hour of the day. I was so excited to see her. She gave me lots of hugs and kisses and brought me this big pink balloon that Nana and Papa got. She loved pushing the bottons on my hospital bed to make it go up and down. She took her time exploring the room and seemed to think it was a pretty interesting place. She was also pretty fascinated by all the chords I was hooked up to. The hardest part was the goodbye. Just thinking about it makes me emotional. I told her she was going to go home with Daddy and that she could come see me again tomorrow... this is when she realized that I wasn't going to be leaving with her. She sat up on my lap put her arms in the arm and said, "mama come?" while motioning her hand to the door. This is when I lost it she started crying I started crying I gave her another hug and Stephen took her out the door to go home. He said she cried the whole way home and once they got to the house she kept going to the garage door asking where mama was? The thought of being in the hospital for 4 weeks and seeing her minimally is so hard for me. I know she doesn't understand why I am not there anymore and I don't want this to be tramatic for her. I can't wait for the day when Tammy Lee is here and we are all at home together. Who knows when that will be but I am looking forward to it.

My new life... Day 1.

These last couple days have deff been unexpected. While going to bed Wednesday night I couldn't get comfortable... I just tossed and turned from side to side and blamed it on my big pregnant body. By 1:00 I was having bad back pains and had this feeling (which was no doubt from our Heavenly Father) to just go into the Orem hospital and have them make sure everything was ok. I sure hoped everything was ok and that I wasn't dilated because I was only 33 weeks along. Tammy Lee still needed a lot more time to grow and develop before I could hold her in my arms. I woke up Stephen and told him how I was feeling. I said just stay here with Savannah and if something is serious we can call someone to come over in the middle of the night. I went on my way to the Orem hospital and figured I was just being overly paranoid and that they wold send me home. Once I got there I told them that I wasn't in a lot of pain besides my lower back but I mostly came because I just felt like I needed to. They gave me a list of scenarios of why I may be feeling this way and assured me everything would be fine. They put me on the monitors and T-Lee's heart looked great but I was deff having consistent contractions. For some reason when I am contracting I don't feel pain. At times I will feel my stomach tighten but they are not painful. Next the nurse decided to check me and what happened after this was the scariest experience I have ever been through. She checked me and said, "Jenaca, you are 4 cm dilated and 90 % effaced... you are in active labor. We have to stop this progression fast because who knows how quickly you could progress." A million emotions were running through my body at this point. I was scared, confused, unsure, and mostly terrified of what was to happen next. The nurse then beeped in the other nurse... told her what was going on. They called the ambulance to take me to Utah Valley hospital because they have a much better NICU and they called my doctor to come immediately. They began poking me and prodding me with needles and getting me to swallow pills to slow down my labor and stop my contractions. They gave me a steroid shot in each hip to help little Tammy Lee's lungs develop. By this time Stephen had gotten there and his parents were at the house with Savannah. He was also completely shocked at what was happening and how serious the situation was. Everything seemed so surreal as they laid me on the ambulance bed and wheeled me out of the hospital. I just kept praying asking Heavenly Father to give me comfort and if I was to have Tammy Lee early that she would be ok and the steroid shots could get to her body quickly to help her little lungs grow and develop.
  It was about 3:45 once we got to the Utah Valley hospital. They wheeled me up to my room and put Tammy Lee and I back on monitors. My contractions had slowed down and everything was stabilized. I was asked a million questions and had to sign a million forms until 5:30 that morning. Finally I tried to relax and get some sleep but my body was so restless and anxious... I just laid in the hospital bed in shock. The doctor came in and said that I could be in the hospital up to 4 weeks if they could keep things stable. Their hope is to at least let Tammy Lee grow until I am 36 weeks along. When they said I would have to be here for 3 to 4 weeks I died because I couldn't imagine not waking up and seeing Savannah everyday. How was Savannah going to feel that I was just gone? She won't understand where I went and I didn't want this experience to be traumatic for her. All I could think of was who was going to watch Savannah? Stephen is so busy with law school as well and he can't get home until 7 at the earliest. I knew this was going to be a big adjustment for our whole family.

The rest of the day was hard. I got news I didn't like and wasn't expecting. I struggled sitting and doing nothing all day. I am a productive person so it kills me to sit in a bed all day long and all I could think of was Savannah and how she was doing. I will write about day 2 later today!

I am so grateful for the sweet comments, text messages, voicemail's,  and prayers sent our way. Stephen, Savannah, Tammy Lee and I appreciate them more than you know. I have had so many friends and ward members offer to help watch Savannah, bring meals, and do anything they can to help and we truly feel blessed to know such a great people. Thank you!

Feeding the Ducks

We had a fun, relaxing Sunday afternoon. We spent it with my family up in Hobblecreek and celebrated my moms bday. My parents live way up in the mountains and we love going to visit. When we venture up there we always feel like we are on a mini vacation... the view is so beautiful. After we had dinner we went to the duck pond in Springville and Savannah was in heaven. Her favorite part was running towards the ducks and watching them flee back into the water. I love relaxing Sundays and I love spending those days with family!