Yesterday was a hard day. I was coming to the realization that this may not be a couple day stay... it could be more like 4 weeks of them stopping my labor until I was considered full term.
That meant sleeping in the hospital every night and not spending my days with my sweet Savannah and seeing Stephen when he got home from school.
It meant sitting on a hospital bed all day everyday and feeling very unproductive.
It meant leaving everything at home that needed to be done before the baby got here undone.
It meant passing on responsibilities like paying the bills, getting the laundry done, and keeping the house clean to my husband who is already so busy with law school.
It meant finding someone to watch Savannah while I was away.
I had an ultrasound to see how much Tammy Lee weighed and she is about 5 lbs 5 ounces right now. While having the ultrasound they found something of concern. I have a septate uterus which is similar to a heart shaped uterus. A septum or large piece of skin comes down in the middle of my uterus which can cause pre-term labor and other complications because my baby will grow out of my uterus quicker. My placenta has implanted on the septum when it normally implants of the uterine wall. They said it is a miracle I have even been able to carry this baby because if the placenta implants of the septum it almost always results in a miscarriage. They have to keep a close eye on me because there is a chance my placenta can rupture from the septum at anytime. That is why Tammy Lee and I need to be constantly monitored.
The hardest part of this is being away from Savannah. She is only 18 months and it has been hard for her to understand where I am and why she doesn't see me much anymore. I know she is being taken care of and is in great hands with my wonderful mom, mother in law, and brother Chase and Jessie. I don't know what I would do without them. Not to mention the countless amount of people willing to help and watch her as well.
Yesterday my mom brought Savannah over for an hour and it was the best and hardest hour of the day. I was so excited to see her. She gave me lots of hugs and kisses and brought me this big pink balloon that Nana and Papa got. She loved pushing the bottons on my hospital bed to make it go up and down. She took her time exploring the room and seemed to think it was a pretty interesting place. She was also pretty fascinated by all the chords I was hooked up to. The hardest part was the goodbye. Just thinking about it makes me emotional. I told her she was going to go home with Daddy and that she could come see me again tomorrow... this is when she realized that I wasn't going to be leaving with her. She sat up on my lap put her arms in the arm and said, "mama come?" while motioning her hand to the door. This is when I lost it she started crying I started crying I gave her another hug and Stephen took her out the door to go home. He said she cried the whole way home and once they got to the house she kept going to the garage door asking where mama was? The thought of being in the hospital for 4 weeks and seeing her minimally is so hard for me. I know she doesn't understand why I am not there anymore and I don't want this to be tramatic for her. I can't wait for the day when Tammy Lee is here and we are all at home together. Who knows when that will be but I am looking forward to it.