Sunday, May 3, 2015


April 28th, 29th, 30th- May 1st, 2nd, 3rd (Nicu day 1-6)

Being back at the NICU is all too real. I experienced this with Tammy Lee only 2 1/2 years ago. Going back and hearing the beeping sounds from all the machines, seeing the incubators where babies lie, and smelling the smell that the hospital brings brought back a flood of emotions and memories. 

I remember going up the elevator to floor 5 multiple times a day. I remember feeling stressed about finding a sitter for Savannah and leaving her when she was upset. I remember pumping every three hours to make sure I had a milk supply since I didn't have Tammy Lee at home with me to eat. I remember hoping and praying Tammy Lee would nurse long enough to pass the feeding tests. I remember all the chords that were tangled and coming from every direction. I remember having a new nurse daily and wishing they loved my baby as much as I did. I remember holding back the tears as I walked out of the NICU because it tore me up inside to leave her. 

Now 2 1/2 years later I am back in this same place with another baby feeling these same emotions I did just a couple years ago. The only difference is now I have two kids at home instead of just one. 

Hudson is doing well. I feel so much love for him and think about him constantly. The nurses probably think I am crazy because I call them all throughout the day asking them how he is doing. He ha jaundice and is under the therapy lights right now. It is hard for me to see him because he can't be swaddled and seems so uncomfortable. His little limbs move around. I hope his levels go down so that tomorrow he can be snuggled up and swaddled. When I nurse him I cherish that time I get to hold him. He is such a sleepy little guy and tires easily since he is premature. 

He will be able to come home once he is waking for all his feedings and is either nursing when I am there or taking the bottle when I am not there. Once he wakes for all his feedings he can come home. I hope he will pick up on it soon. We are so eager to have him home with us. The girls ask me daily if Hudson gets to come home today. I can't wait for that day!

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